Confessions Of A Writer #7

Procrastination has become my drug.

I am almost done with the first draft of Book 2 in the Darkness Calls series.  I emphasize the almost part because I am at the point where I know how the book is going to end, what scenes need to be added, the finishing touches, etc.  But despite knowing what needs to be done to finish the draft, I have yet to finish it.

Why?

Because I procrastinate.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and start heading towards it, but then stuff comes up which sound like perfectly good reasons to delay finishing the draft.  Holidays.  Errands.  Oh, and the job I do to provide me with the paycheck needed to pay back my student loans.  By the end of the day when I go to write, I am tired from all the other otherness in my life.

My job has become a large part of it.  I substitute teach but have recently taken on tutoring and proctoring the MTEL in addition to substitute teaching.  So, yeah, I have been very busy in an effort not to disappoint my inner Suze Orman.

But I have also recently come to the revelation that the job is not my life.  The job is not the path, or even the baby steps towards the path, I want to be on in life.  I do not want to be a teacher or any type of education-related profession.  The job is my current source of a paycheck, but it does not define what I want to do in life.

I am a writer.  I find it odd that I need to remind myself of who I am and what I truly want.  It is as though I have unintentionally allowed the other stuff I do not like to take over my life to the point where I have to remind myself that I enjoy doing something and force myself to do something that I truly like, such as reading a book or writing.  And I think I am not alone in this perplexing situation.

So, yeah, procrastination has become my drug.  Yet, I like to think of myself as a recovering addict in that I am rehabilitating myself to the life that I truly want to have and to go for that life.  Not the one where I let a job I do not like hijack my life and identity.

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Confessions Of A Writer #6

It’s Never Over!

Sorry, I always wanted to use a dramatic opener.

Recently my posts have been kind of on the negative side because, well, I have been having a negative outlook on my potential as a successful writer.  I was considering taking down The Hunted and Darkness Calls at the end of the summer because I have been very harsh on myself about the books not selling better.

That attitude is bullsh**.

Here’s why: As alluded to in My Inner Writer Monologue, the books have been published for less than a year.  During that time, people have in fact bought the books.  When I would look at the Reports from Amazon and NOOK, I would get depressed because the number of sales was lower than what I would hope for.

But, like I said, the books have been published for less than a year.  They are still babies.  To take them down would be to completely squash any future for them.

So what’s my new attitude I try to have towards my writing?

That it’s never over!

My Inner Writer Monologue

Scene:

It could be anywhere.  Really, this monologue occurs on a daily basis in my head.

Players:

ThisIsHopeless (TIH)

ThereIsAlwaysHope (TIAH)

*

TIH: Why did I ever decide to try to e-publish?  No one has bought my books.  I am taking the books down at the end of the summer because this is hopeless.

TIAH: Bullsh**.  People have too bought your books.  Sure, you’re not the e-book equivalent of a New York Times bestselling author.  Yet.  The books were published less than a year ago for Christ’s sake.  What did you expect, to be an instant J. K. Rowling?

TIH: (Long Pause) Stephenie Meyer’s books sold well right away, and they aren’t even that good.

TIAH: (Angry) You are so not comparing us to Stephenie Meyer right now.  She wrote crappy books that were turned into even crappier movies.  Do you want that?  I’ll answer for you: no.

TIH: But there are other authors….

TIAH: (Throwing hands up in air from frustration) Because those authors are built up as the next to impossible, anorexic thin ideals other authors are expected to live up to!  In reality, most authors are not instant successes; it takes at least, at least a year but usually more.

TIH: (Starting to track down the dark chocolate)

TIAH: Stop that! Go finish writing the first draft of the second book in the Darkness Calls series.

TIH: (Pondering) Is this hopeless?  This whole dream of being a successful writer?

TIAH: (Sighs) There is always hope.

End of scene