I am about halfway done with applying to graduate school. My end goal: a PhD in English.
Ambitious? Yes, but I like to go after challenges. I love literature, especially research. Am I a nerd? Also, yes. To me, research is a form of creativity because you are explaining to others how you view something, allowing them to glimpse into your interpretation in hopes that they will be impacted by your words. Through my time spent working as an Educator, I am also fueled by the desire to teach at the college level, a desire stemming from my passion for working with students.
Then how come the gloomy title of this post? Because more than likely I will be moving to wherever I am accepted and choose to go to grad school. And only a couple of those wherevers are close to home. The rest are either long road trip or need to book a flight places.
Although I do not find out the admissions’ decisions until after the New Year, I am already feeling the sadness at the thought of leaving home. It will be my first time leaving home, living on my own (unless you count my cat), and the words “leaving home” and “on my own” are not the cheeriest of sorts for good reason. I am going to miss my family and my friends, as much as they may drive me crazy from time to time. And this sadness is more poignant around the holidays with me realizing that this might very well be the last holiday season I spend at home.
I haven’t mentioned any of this to my parents because if I did then I would start crying, and they would start crying, and it would get emotional, and we do not have enough tissues in my house for all the tears that would happen. So instead I am blogging about it. Because why do new beginnings mean leaving people? Why do new beginnings imply leaving something major behind, rather than simply an extension of happiness in someone’s life?
As a writer, new beginnings are used for a number of reasons. I am going to focus on mine for the positive aspects to try to distract from some of that sadness. That and cats. Because, really, who wouldn’t feel better looking at cats?