I am in the midst of the Waiting Game, waiting to hear back from the graduate schools I applied to. I hate it. I just want to know already! Then I don’t want to know. But I do want to know.
Back when I applied to grad schools the first time around, I thought I was ready for grad school. I thought I knew exactly what my specific areas of focus would be, the literature I would want to study, and I could see what my dissertation would be on. In other words, I had a certain vision in my mind. When I did not get into grad school, I was devastated. I mean, I was ready! I knew what I wanted!
Except what I want, what my interests are have (slightly) changed since when I first applied. On the one hand, I felt behind applying this second time around to grad school since it’s been a couple of years now from when I first applied, and I have been out of college for three years. Yet I needed that gap to really fill in the gaps in my life, including my literary scholarship. I choose not to think of it as being behind, but as my second chance not just at academia, but at choosing what my life will be.