I feel like I’m leading multiple lives. There is Ms. Rocha, the me that wears the school staff ID badge and works at the school. Then there is L. N. Rocha, the author and blogger. Lastly, there is Ms. Lauren Rocha, grad student starting in the fall and scholar.
Trying to blend all three of these roles is difficult, and at times the task is seemingly impossible. The Ms. Rocha who works at the school is the one who brings home the paychecks, but at the same time is so drained most days that if I do have energy, I have to choose between the other two. To be an author/blogger or not to be, that is the daily question.
The thing is, when I occupy the author/blogger role, I will spend hours on it, and usually not have time to work on my research. Similarly, when I’m working on my research, I typically don’t have time to devote to my author/blogger duties.
I don’t want to have to choose between roles. I just want to be able to Me, to be author/blogger/scholar/grad student.
I tell myself that it will get easier once the school year has ended because then I can focus on those roles. Truth is though, it will never get easier. There will always be something re-directing my focus. But what can appear to be detour, can actually be an unexpected journey.
The journey of working at the school just seems to be taking a very long time.