Back To School, Back To Reflection

 

It’s now September and the start of a new school year. I am finally coming to terms with the changes that happened in the past six months. I suffered appendicitis at the beginning of February, something that I thought would never happen to me (because, in reality, who actually thinks it will happen to them?). Almost as soon as I was cleared to go back to work, I began my first round of intense interviews for a big position at my institution. One that would usher in major changes for the school and for the person chosen.

While waiting to hear if I got the job or not, I thought about what would happen if I did, in fact, get it. I repeatedly told myself that I was not going to move. That I would stay at my parents’ house to save up for a house of my own. My boyfriend and I already had the future talks, and I felt confident that staying home to save up for some aspects of that future would be the best plan.

And then I received the phone call informing me that they had chosen me for the position.

As I drove home that day, I inevitably got stuck in Boston traffic. The type that jams up at the Medford exits and continues to get worse. I encountered this type of traffic many times before, and it usually meant a solid two-hour commute home. By the time I pulled in my parents’ driveway that day, excitement was replaced with exhaustion. I had a glimpse of what my life would be like if I stuck with my original plan and vision: a crushing commute that would dampen the day-to-day, slowly stripping it of energetic excitement.

I had to make a decision: stay with my vision of living at home to stay with my vision of my relationship; or move.

I chose to move. In making that decision, I chose uncertain reality. The type of uncertainty that makes us cling to the semi-stable parts of our lives, funneling our efforts into them because we don’t know what will happen if we don’t. Uncertainty contains possibilities, but there is certain degree of comfort in what we know and are familiar with. Then again, is this comfort a trap of our own making? Do we dare cast it aside and embrace the unknown?

 

 

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